Cravings

I read a Psalm this morning that I found so interesting after our conversation last night about finances. Psalm 78, verses 17-31 in particular, though the whole Psalm is really powerful. The phrase “by demanding the food they craved” (NIV v. 18) struck me - how often are we not satisfied with what the Lord has provided, and demand more? The word “crave” is desire, longing, lust, or delight – can be both for good or evil. I wonder how often our spending is motivated from a craving for more – or from a dissatisfaction with what God has already provided. I was reminded also of the “prosperity gospel” and thought what a dangerous thing it is to be craving after the things of this world – to be lusting after temporal pleasures – to be pursuing the things of the flesh. Is it not our duty to be walking in simple thankfulness for His abundant provision, no matter what it looks like or in what form it comes? Is it not a grievous sin to grumble about what we have, and wish for more? It is a contradiction to say we trust in Him and have faith that He will provide for our every need, and yet continually be seeking more of things – of stuff to fill an almost indiscernable void deep within. In the Psalm, the Lord gave them what they longed for and complained for, but “even while it was still in their mouths,” they were slain. The original story in Numbers 11 says they named the place where this happened Kibroth Hattaavah, which means “graves of craving.” “because there they buried the people who had craved other food.” It is also interesting that the same Hebrew word is used in Genesis 3:6, when Eve saw the fruit as an object of desire. She desired something that God had not provided for her, and the result was death. This is rather lengthy, but I love this piece from the Matthew Henry Commentary: they provoked God “By desiring, or rather demanding, that which he had not thought fit to give them…God had given them meat for their hunger, in the manna, wholesome pleasant food and in abundance; he had given them meat for their faith out of the heads of leviathan which he broke in pieces, Ps. 74:14. But all this would not serve; they must have meat for their lust, dainties and varieties to gratify a luxurious appetite. Nothing is more provoking to God than our quarrelling with our allotment and indulging the desires of the flesh.” I so long to be fully satisfied in God alone – to be like a child in utter trust and simplicity of heart, desiring no thing other than what He has provided. Isaiah 26:6: “Your name and renown are the desire (yes, the same word as “crave”) of our hearts.

Labor and Wait

I read a short little book by John Piper the other day entitled When the Darkness Will Not Lift: Doing What We Can While We Wait for God and Joy. Certainly the most succinct and thorough book I’ve encountered on the topic of melancholy, or depression, or spiritual darkness, whatever name we might give it. One of the ideas that struck me was the call to work – to labor at the things we have in front of us – wether it be an occupation, housework, childrearing, service or ministry. There is healing in work – in keeping our hands busy at something. Not only a healing, but a safekeeping as well – what is that saying? Idle hands are the devil’s workshop. So we live in this tension between work (not to be confused with busyness) and waiting; between labor and resting. Let our hands be busy on the tasks before us, let our hearts be still as we wait upon Him. Is that not the challenge though: To be still in our core – in the center of our being – and attentive to the voice of the Spirit at every moment, at every turn, while still attending to our duties? We are plagued, particularly in modern America it seems, with an insane level of busyness which does not constitute the work which Piper exhorts us too, but is rather the result of a high-paced society, or an unholy ambition for recognition, or a lust for the wealth of this world. It would behoove us to search our hearts and allow Him to show us which activities must fall by the wayside, and which things to put our hands to. My heart echoes the call of Longfellow: “Let us, then, be up and doing, With a heart for any fate, Still achieving, still pursuing, Learn to labor and to wait.”

Suffering

Words from Fenelon:
“Choke back in my heart all that rises up to question Your goodness. Let me sit in silence before You, and then I will begin to understand.”

Yes, pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord (Lamentations 2:19). Like Jesus the Perfect One, cry out and ask that this cup of suffering pass from you. But then sit in silence before Him (Lam. 3:28). He has ordained your suffering – do you believe this? These present sufferings aren’t worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed (Romans 8:17,18). Be patient and wait on Him(Lam. 3:26). He is good, so good, even in this.

Venti Mocha, please

So my new addiction is to mochas. Must be the autumn weather and my recent sugar addiction – my sweet tooth has reared it’s ugly head and got the best of me lately. Well, llucky for my wallet, Starbucks now sells the mocha powder that they use to make their mochas. So, armed with my fabulous espresso machine and a can of whipped cream, I can now make my favorite drink for pennies on the dollar – yes, I am averaging about two a day. It is like comfort in a cup. And then I turn on my Harry Connick Jr. channel on Pandora (much to the chagrin of my children) and I am instantly in a Holiday mood. Something, I must say, I have not been in in quite a few years – When did the sweet season turn from a time of wonder, excitement, mystery and romance into the dreaded flurry and stressful dash that it now is? I would like to recapture some of the thrill of the season – some of the warmth and joy that it used to represent. How I long to simplify – the constant theme and desire of my adulthood – to strip away the superfluities and the extraneous obligations much like Thoreau or Ann Morrow Lindbergh have so eloquently described. To, in essence, start over. If this is a time to celebrate Christ, why do we turn it into everything but that? I am tired of things that fill my life that don’t really matter – I long for deep purpose and for meaning to be infused in my daily actions. To be driven by a passion or a cause that fuels my actions and my existence. Is this not inherent to the life of the Believer? If one reads the Gospels, it seems that it could be no other way – then why is it that I feel this so little? Questions that are not easily answered, I’m afraid. So I’ll sip my mocha, and take whatever transient comfort it may offer and attempt to leave the complexities of life in His perfect hands. “ Who has known the mind of the Lord, who has been His counselor?”

“This is not the life of simplicity but the life of multiplicity that the wise men warn us of. It leads not to unification but fragmentation. It does not bring grace; it destroys the soul. And this is not only true of my life, I am forced to conclude; it is the life of millions of women in America.” Gift from the Sea, Ann Morrow Lindbergh